every 1st september we joke about getting ready for hogwarts to cover up the very real and very very deep scars of never getting our letters
hey guys its fall u know what that means
only gotta shave when ur gonna get laid
We can only be friends if you’re kind of an asshole. Not full blown asshole because that’s no fun. And if you’re not an asshole at all then that won’t work either. A halfway asshole. Those are my kind of people.
"Even if we’re married for 23 years,
I still want you to flirt with me."
One time in sixth grade I was being bullied really badly, and this whole circle of people gathered around me and the girl that was bullying me, and she smirked and went ‘You dumb rich bitch.’ And everyone was like OOOOOOH and I stood there for a second before pulling 20 dollars out of my wallet, placed it in her hand, and said “Buy some better insults.” And I swear the entire lunchroom rioted.